What do you see in yourself? What I see is what I am!
There I was, choked by negative voices whispering and imposing their opinions on me as if I had none of my own. The more I tried to echo my dreams and ambitions, the weirder they sounded to their ears yet to me, they were as real as myself.
I asked myself over and over
again at what point I reached this scenario. Where did I lose it? I was caught up in a web of disappointment,
heartbreak, lose, mistrust; a past that never made me see what I had envision
myself to be and too afraid to set myself free from it. Was it that I was
afraid or that the negative words had eaten into my inner being and done
serious damage on my mental abilities?
Subconsciously, they robbed me
off my beautiful ideas and creative moments of my youth oblivious of the damage
they were creating. How could I believe that I wasn’t good enough, that my
dreams were too big for me, that I didn’t deserve the best? Yes, it is possible especially when the ones
telling me these things are the people I LOVE and TRUST.
WHO AM I? Where did the Artist in
me go? What happened to the creative “Sally” who inspired her peers with her self-designed
hairstyles, earrings, apparels and confidence? It has been a long period of
rediscovering me and switching back to reality. I shut my mind and refused
to let in any foreign ideas unless they added value to mine. I unearthed the
unfinished projects I had hidden away and resumed pursuing them and see, where
it has brought me.
My smile is slowing returning;
after seeing the small strides I have so far taken since the mindset change. It
was a choice I made not to be defined by other people’s opinions and stick to
my goals no matter what. It comes with a cost, sometimes I feel alone in this journey,
but I remind myself that the end of it is what is important, and that GOD is my
ever-present help. Many left me and, I am glad they did. I know what my PURPOSE is, and nothing will stop me
from pursuing it.
The results of my quest to “FINDING
MYSELF” are glaring and one of them is being among the 3 Playwrights selected by
TEBERE ARTS FOUNDATION in this year’s
“MID-CAREER AND ESTABLISHED PLAYWRIGHTS'
RESIDENCY”
What does this mean? That my Play
will be among those read during the KAMPALA
INTERNATIONAL THEATRE FESTIVAL (KITF) in November.
Honestly, I never saw myself here.
The writer in me never vanished, it was always there. I give the Glory and
Honour back to GOD!
In a world where my decisions are constantly
questioned by those around me, where everything that I do somehow isn’t right. Many
times, I ask myself whether they know that what drives me is a constant fire
that burns inside and can only be extinguished when I executive what is within.
I wonder whether they realize that
many times, I have made decisions with a weeping heart just to please them even
knowing that the repercussions are only felt by me. Yes, I will acknowledge their
role in my journey of pursuit for success and desire to stand tall again. It doesn’t mean that my dreams are worthless.
I came to the realization that this
is my life, my dreams and I call the shots, Period!! I decided to block my mind
off what I don’t want to hear even when it seems like I sound ungrateful. The voices
screaming in my head to stop pursing relationships which add no value to me in
anyway, to stop worrying about what I cannot fix and to embrace the failures in
my life and use them as steppingstones in my journey.
Now, I am unapologetically happy with
myself. My LORD My God is my guiding light without whom I am invisible. A constant
reminder that I can do all thing through him who strengthens me. Yes, the ARTIST
is me is re-born! Nothing will hold me back again! I know now and acknowledge where
my help comes from. What is meant to be, will BE!
Sometimes it seems like, I take two steps infront then ten steps back. It's like I am taking forever to reach the finish line.
Well, I tell myself to keep moving as every step back is a lesson learned. Quiting is never a solution for me. How will it help me?
I dive deeper into the heart of my project and remind myself that the tended beneficiaries are more important than my iniquities.
These ideas don't drop in my mind for me to sit on them right? They are for me to hatch them out like a hen patiently waits 21 whole days and nights on her eggs just for them to hatch little chicks.
If a hen can do it, why can't I?
Written by Salome Akwi
From a heap of old jewelry, old clothes and accessories, this is what I see. Am I satisfied with it? Sure, I am! Many times, what one per...
